All Of Me and My Journey…

Authentically Me through Freedom, Authenticity, Gratitude, and Love

Archive for the month “October, 2014”

Day Twenty Five – Disappointment Filled with Optimism #write31days

I received a piece of mail today and was both excited and afraid to open it. It took me an hour to build up the nerve to actually open up the envelope. In my heart, I already knew what it would say because I already had the dream.

The verdict from my first grant propsal application was in. I did not receive one of the individual grants awarded. My heart instantly sunk into my abdominal area. I was disappointed and felt a small sense of failure. After a few minutes of self pity, I shook it off and was thankful for the rejection. I will learn from it and keep pushing.

I am a writer.

I will not drown in pity, sadness, or anything that will stop my creativity.

There are too many projects to be accomplished; too many books to publish; too many goals to reach. This is the first of many no’s. Keep it moving!

Until Later…

Day Seven – SAD and Vitamin D #write31days

The one thing about living in the south for most of my adult life and then relocating back to the northeast is the lack of sunlight. In my self diagnosis, I think I have developed seasonal affective disorder. Today is the first day this season I am feeling the effects. I normally get into a slump and have to turn all the lights on in the house all day. The measures I take stay upbeat are actually funny but they work most of the time but I crave natural sunlight. However, through all of the dancing, praying, and staying busy, I make it through.

Day Six – The DVR and Feminism #write31days

I often find myself to busy to sit down and enjoy the shows I love at the time they air. My DVR is my best friend. I am able to record my shows and watch them throughout the week when I find time. I have noticed that within those shows, there are some very powerful women.

Carrie Mathison in Homeland
Meredith and Miranda in Grey’s
Krisitna Braverman in Parenthood
Annalise Keating in How to Get Away with Murder
Olivia Pope in Scandal
Elizabeth Keen in The Blacklist
Olivia Benson in Law & Order: SVU
Crystal McGuire in Legends
Elizabeth McCord in Madame Secretary
……just to name a few.

I can clearly remember before 2000 when women didn’t have many of these types of roles. Now while I’m happy to see women in leading roles, the on screen percentage is no more than 42% (http://womenintvfilm.sdsu.edu/research.html). I’m sure the actual on-screen time between men actors and women actors differs tremendously. It only makes sense right (….enter sarcastic laugh here…).  While the increase may seem impressive to some, it is not enough. Hence once of the needs we still need feminism.

Along, with fighting for equal on-screen time and increased women actors in leading roles, there are other pressing issues that also needs attention such as: female genital mutilation, rape, child brides, criminalized pregnancy, infanticide, honor killings, employment law, restricted freedom, forced prostitution, and disfigurement.

WE NEED FEMINISM!!!

#girlsandwomenrock #girlpower #feminismneeded

Day Five – My Friends are My Sisters #write31days

I only have one sibling, my brother. We are 11 months and 3 weeks apart. We are the same age every year for one week (yeah my parents were getting it…HA!). I’ve always wanted a sister and my close circle of about 6-7 friends have become my sisters. They hold me down and never hesitate to tell me when I’m wrong. I know which sister to go to my certain needs because let’s be real they are all cut from a different cloth. I may not talk to them all the time but we can definitely pick up from where we left off.

So…to my two sisters in Pittsburgh, one in Cincinnati, one in Detroit, one in Fayetteville, and two in Atlanta…I love you with all my heart!

#girlpower #sisterfriends #mybesties

Day Four – REST needed for my Weary Body #write31days

I am tired!  Women work so hard….multitasking, being superwoman. I need rest. My body needs rest.  My mind needs….REST.

Day Three – Comfort in Browness #write31days

You will not conform my ideas, my creativity, or spirituality. Nor will you change how I feeI have worked hard for 38 years to get to this state of comfort.

There was a time when I felt lost and wouldn’t speak up for what I wanted. I kind of just slid between the cracks. I, then, became the pro-black, super outspoken, blunt, angry chick that didn’t take shit from anyone. I didn’t care about anyone’s feelings and did what was needed to get what I want.

Those days are long gone and I am renewed. In have worked tiredlessly to get to this place and love the skin I’m in.

Day Two – Hidden Trauma #write31days

October 2, 2014

When I was younger, I became a victim. I was molested and raped….molested at about 5 and raped at 15. I did not tell anyone until the age of 24/25. There were a series of dreams I began to have reliving both of those horrific experiences. It was like I put them in a locked safe in my mind until I felt I was ready to deal with them. I think that is exactly what happened. I faced them head on. So I went to talk to someone because I thought it was better to talk to someone unbiased first. It turns out that was not the case for me. First, the doctor was a woman BUT she was old and Caucasian. Not that I have any against white folks but there was a connection barrier and I felt she wasn’t getting it. She didn’t speak my language, to say the least, so I stopped seeing her.

I finally was able to tell my mother and she was devastated but understood why I chose to be alone in this. She was there when I needed her. I talked to others who experienced the same as I. I was angry. I took my anger out on those closest to me. I went to anger management. It helped. I began to love me more. I became more compassionate to those around me. I prayed. I listened more. I struggled. I survived. I became whole.

Looking back, I now understand why some of my actions occurred. Not excusing any of it….there were just unresolved issues. I needed an escape and instead of healthy verbal conversation, I performed contradictory acts.

When women keep the pain of unwanted acts against them inside, I understand. When others advise those women to seek help, I understand. It takes time to heal from such deplorable. In some cases, it may take a lifetime but the healing process is well worth.

Day One – Feminism #write31days

October 1, 2014

So I have decided to take part in the 31 day writing challenge. As I was pondering on what to write about a topic keep tapping the outermost part of my cranium. Now oddly enough, I have never thought of myself as one. I have always been extremely passionate about the justice of all people, specifically those of color….and it is still one of the most influential topics for how I live my life. However, I am a woman. I embrace me as a woman and expect to be treated fairly, as a woman. When I think about all of the influences in my life, the majority of them are women. My closest friends are women. My daughters will grow up to be women. My mother is a woman. I do a lot of research and I always look to see how many women and people of color are involved. So without saying much more, for the next 30 days I will be writing about feminism.

 

fem·i·nism

/ˈfeməˌnizəm/

noun

the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

 

Why shouldn’t I advocate for the rights of myself and other women? I am a woman, right? Over the past few months, I have been intentionally quiet on a few issues, just observing and reading. It is unbelievable how many women (and men) don’t see the need for all women to be treated fairly. Or are hypocrites or picky about what issues are important to women. We all come a woman so why wouldn’t we want women to be treated equal to men. To be paid the same wages as men. To be afforded the same opportunities as men. Not to be looked down upon or stereotyped into certain box. I’m appalled at some of the comments that I have heard and read.

You should be ashamed!!!

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